The Storm

Rain falls on this relationship like a hurricane has swept through. The door has shut and the lock was slipped into place. You now realize what you've done. You decide you want back in, yet you do not have a key. You left that on the counter when you walked out. Feeling cold standing outside without a jacket in the torrential rain, you beg to come back inside. Inside where it is warm and comfortable. Complacent, at ease with where you had been. Afraid and cold you start to cry. Tears do not work, they do not help anything at all. The wind becomes stronger, teasing your body with it's cold arms and laughing whistles. Pounding on the door you yell for me to listen, for anyone to listen. I sit by the fire, warm and silent. I hear what you are saying, I hear your pleas. It is not easy to sit by the wayside and let you have your fate. Let you make your decisions, but I must. I must honor the choice you have made. Time cannot be taken back. Sometimes we must pack up our bags and figure it out all on our own. I let you walk out the door, I let you leave. Sail your ship and face the winds of change. Eventually you will know you had your prerogative, you had your life path and chose which way it would go. Walk that road. Take the place that you went to follow. Embrace the moira in front of you. Take each discretion you have made and walk away. Walk away from the door you pound on out of fear. I must let you leave. I must let life continue it's course. The storm outside will not get you, but you must go.

The Future Looms Brightly

I sit here amazed at where I am...enthralled with who I've become. I walked out of my life at 17 to become an adult. I wake up years later and realize, I accomplished what I wanted without even knowing it. It seems like such a treacherous task while achieving it, yet it is so invigorating, so full-filling. The letting go of adolescence and grasping for maturity. As much as we face the responsibility of what comes with adulthood we face ourselves. We stare the real person we are directly in the face. We must accost the future boldly, the joys a life! Today I sit here excited and embracing all that looms in the untold. Yes, I do not have a clue where my life will lead over the next few years, but I sit here knowing that the future is brilliant. The brilliance of it shines on my face. Afraid and petrified of the mistakes I will make, all the wrong choices. But with knowing this I know each blunder will have a sufficient choice to counteract it. Each moment of life is so intriguing. Life is captivating. I have had moments of pain and frustration of late, but those moments fabricate the fibers of who I am. Dullness isn't something in the fine print of life. Dullness does not exist. Daily we wake up to new, each sun rise is different than the last. Let us embrace the variances in others, each day, in each year, in life. Let us rise anew and look at the sun as it comes up tomorrow as an allowance for starting over. If your life has been hard; use tomorrow as a commencement of who you are, on where you are headed. The next few months are bringing new frontiers to who I am and where I am. They will shape the very future that lies in my path. What I do with them and where I take them to is all up to me. I am choosing to embrace the goals and hopes I have with bliss and enthusiasm. Tonight I am happy to have difficulties and pain, they are shaping who I am. And I have realized I have become someone reputable, someone I enjoy being.

Life Overtaken By Winter

The wind whipped through her hair as she stood there watching him pull out of the driveway. She smiled a tainted smile as he looked back once more. She didn't want him to see her pain. She didn't want him to know this really hurt her. Leaves fell from the trees all around her, the same as her heart fell inside. Her face was flushed and red with anger and the pain she couldn't continue to hide. She walked inside her house as tears flooded her eyes. She leaned against the front door as she closed it. The ache in her heart felt like a slow throbbing death. Falling to her knees as she wept, she gasped for air as all the emotions she had suppressed came rushing to the surface. Wishing she could take back time and reverse all that happened, wishing all the pain could vanish. She had asked him to leave, she had told him to go; not wanting to and having to made everything so complicated. Icicles had formed in her chest, her heart had become a frozen mass. So suddenly everything had changed. Their love had turned to a play; a show for all around them to see. Their emotions were no longer caring. Their love like the leaves whisked away in the wind. His lies and forgotten promises froze with the changing of the seasons. Autumn had brought it's winds and had broken their home. The house no longer and home, but a empty cavern. A cavern that echos with lost memories, moments forever frozen in time. Sadness crept into her heart as she sat on the floor. Listening to the wind taunting the outside of the house, she wished winter was over. The ache in her heart; the ache in her head turned into a life ache. The joy, the kisses, the friendship covered with lies like the grass covered with newly fallen snow. No longer fully visible, but it still lies there. The future loomed before her, nothing seemed clear. A fog had crept in with the new snow. The fog covered all plans that had been made. Now she must determine a new future. Now she must figure out her mistakes.

Don't Make Love (If You Don't Love Me)

Don't make love if you don't love me. Don't use me to get what you want.Don't make love if you don't love me. Don't use me for all that I've got.Don't make love and not love me. Don't make love and not care enough.

Sweet kisses and long talks. Laughter as we took walks.Being with you was so fun. You presented a show for everyone.Your play a great sharade. But the game was all but to stay.

Don't make love if you don't love me. Don't use me to get what you want.Don't make love if you don't love me. Don't use me for all that I've got.Don't make love and not love me. Don't make love and not care enough.

You played house like anyone would. You had your fun, now you're through.What about me? What am I to be?My house is still here, but it's empty and all too real.

Don't make love if you don't love me. Don't use me to get what you want.Don't make love if you don't love me. Don't use me for all that I've got.Don't make love and not love me. Don't make love and not care enough.

time

Time is the one thing that we cannot control in our lives. Time is the one thing that we wish we had more of yet it is never possible.

We CANNOT rewind time, delete time, erase time, slow time down, skip time, review or replay time, fast forward time, stop or pause time, end time or change time.

Time is out of our grasp. Time is a vapor, the essence of life. Each of us wishes to do something with it. None of us can change it. We must live with how time is. Time is time.

So now, we must live with time. We live with each day as it is, as it has been set from the beginning of time. Life is based on time. Our lives are lived around time. We live with this tutelary thing, an intengible ascendancy of our lives. Time

Drowning

I can't breathe. I can't speak. I can't feel my own body. I am drowing in my own life. I can't walk away. Frozen I stand here still. Screams inside my head. My heart pounds in my chest, gasping for air I feel faint. I can't go on. I can't move away. I stare in fear and regret. Alone I wait. Wait for nothing to happen, noone to come. Alone I am here. Clenching my chest I try to get the air, I try to breathe. Scared I begin to try. Tears rush down my cheeks. I stumble to the ground. Help, I want to scream. I want to get up and run but I can't move. Afraid of what's before me. Afraid of my situation. Longing for help, longing for something greater to pull me down. Drenched in sweat, Iwrench my lungs for any breathe I can grasp. Digging my fingers in the dirt, pain fills my body. My heart pounds, my head throbbing. Screaming inside, yet stillness surrounds me. Fear grasps me as I move on the dirt, searching, searching for anyone to help. I lie there drowning, downing in my own life, I wait. I wait for the inevitable, I wait for what's to come. Breathe I have not, life I feel no longer. Pain fills my whole being. I am drowing in my own will to live. Drowing my own self.

I Am Me

Giving in to the necessary. Giving in to what I must do. Walking away and letting go. Sometimes I don't know what more I can say or do. I know that this is all I have to give. I've been left empty and there is no more left to me. I gave and gave all if not more. I held nothing back. I am who I am and there is no part of me I am ashamed of. I hope you understand that I love and can't understand with holding love. I was made to care, I was made to appreciate, I was made to be me. I was made as He intended and that is what you get. I see you aren't taking it. I see you've decided not to purchase. I will stay on the shelf and wonder why I am not good enough. I will wonder why I don't live up. But I am me. I am who I am and I don't care to change. I don't care to be different. Appreciate the good and learn to help me change the bad; that's all I wanted. Yet, you wanted no part of it. So here I am. Still the empty bottle on the shelf, for I've given it all out. So what is left? What is left, is me.
I am just me.

Letting Go for the Best

Letting you go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. To let you walk away while I stand here with my heart broken is terrible. The pain I feel overwhelms me. The pain is so hard to bear. My love for you is so great, but I must have freedom, I must have what is necessary.

I want you so greatly, I need your body near mine. I want your kisses and passion. I want your dreams. Wanting your dreams is what allows me to give you the future, the future you need.

I walk away and let go of your hand, I smile to hide my pain. The tears begin to fall before I can make my getaway. My face turns so you can't see how I truly feel. "Goodbye," is all I can say. I love you, don't leave is what my heart wishes to scream.

Thoughts of you, your life, your fun, your excitement make me yearn for you. My head wishes to run back to you, my heart knows it's not for the best. Why must love feel so grand yet hurt so great. Goodbye is what I say. Goodbye is what I can not take.

I love you and I wish you the best.

Love That I Need

Why do you withhold your love from me? Why don't you share what you feel? My heart is briming with love that can't go anywhere. I can't give my love not to be loved. I can't share how much I care.

Sweet kisses, smiles, and touches make our love. Oh your love so sweet, but fear so great that keeps our hearts from going where they should.

My heart yearns, breaks to be with you. Your love apart of my life, that is held back without reason. Afraid of the future, I am, but more afraid of what you won't give.

I need you in my life, I need your passions, your life, your love. I need you. I need to understand your heart and dreams.

I love so deeply. I love uncontrolably. I care so greatly. You make me feel whole, you make me want more, you make me appreciate life. But I need your love given back to me. I need all of you.

A Knight in Shining Armour

Are women always looking to be rescued? Do we wait around for a "knight in shining armour" to come and "sweep us off our feet"? Are we always wanting someone to help us in life? Why is it that life is focused on marriage and babies? Some women wait around their whole lives for "Mr. Right", but what if he doesn't exist? Then what? What if your "Mr. Right" never comes along? What happens to the girl who's heart is broken by "Mr. Oh-So-Wrong" and then is afraid to wait again for that right guy to come along. What if my heart is broken too badly to alloy my eyes to be opened for the right one? Why does love and life and everything seem so complicated sometimes? Worry not, I know this, but wondering seems to creep into everyday life. What if all us girls deep down inside, no matter how independent we are, we are waiting for our "man in a shining car" to come along and "sweep us into their vehicle"? Maybe it's not like fairytales or storybooks or movies, but it's like life. And everyday I see women around me waiting for that one guy to make them feel alright. To make them want to continue on with life. I don't want to feel that way. I want him to be there when he is there. I want his love, but I want him to want to give it. I want care, and compassion and appreciation. I want my own version of "Mr. Right" and not "Mr. Rightnow." Maybe Cinderella would have been better if she hadn't had gone to the ball. She could have started her own business and gotten away from the evil step-mother sometime. Why did she have to be rescued by a man? Couldn't a girlfriend have helped her runaway? What if Aerial never had seen Eric and wanted to change into a human? Why can't we all just stay mermaids or more so the women we are and not worry about becoming human or wives or whatever we feel the need to be? I want to stay a mermaid, I want to be me. I don't want my life to be a Disney move, I want the real thing. I don't want the feeling of needing to be rescued, I want the feeling of living. I want the wind in my hair, excitement runing through me...all the joys of everyday without the wisper of a rescue needed. I want to be me.

Appreciation

Ever felt unappreciated for what you do? Or more so underappreciated? Sometimes people pretend to appreciate what you do, but truly don't mean it. Ever been a really good friend and put a lot of effort into your relationship with someone and they don't appreciate all you do?

Sometimes I just want to walk away and not put effort into somethings anymore. You can't give of yourself until there's nothing left. Relationships are a two-way street, it's gotta go both ways.

Once, I had a friend; a suppossed "good" friend that I put HUGE effort into. Well this person was a complete flake and I started to pull back. Eventually I pulled back completely. Pretty soon we didn't spend any time together, didn't talk and soon we weren't even what I would consider friends. A few months passed and the person finally approached me and asked me why I was mad at them. What the hell do they think? It wasn't exactly that I was mad, it was that I can't be the only one giving. Ok, so on some level, yes I was mad. But that wasn't the whole of it; APPRECIATE THAT I WAS YOUR FRIEND! Make some effort on your part as well.

Appreciation goes for many things; FAMILY, friends, co-workers, assistants, dog walkers, car washers, SUBWAY workers...we tend not to appreciate people around us. People we commuicate and deal with on a daily basis. I know I forget to be thankful for Housekeeping who cleans our hotel rooms every day, my mum who does so much for me, my dad who is attached to my hip (just kidding Papa) or Amy who talks non-stop at work and entertains me. If we want to be appreciated why don't we start with appreciating those around us. We will easily be annoyed that McD's messed up our order, but we fail to be thankful that this time they go it right.

So, in appreciating, we must VOICE how we feel. Say, "I appreciate what you've done" or "I appreicate it when you...". Let's work on it and see how things start to change, how our outlook starts to change. I know I want to be appreciate as your friend, as a professional and as a human being.