Cold, afraid and tired she wandered down the streets in search of somewhere to hide for the night. Stumbling on the broken cobblestones of the New York City streets she hurried out of the road. Splashed by the passing taxi she moved closer to the line of buildings along the road. Hurrying away from a large group of people watching her as she passed them, she darted into a storefront entryway. Leaning her head back on the door she savered the warmth coming through the door. She stole a quick glance back in the direction she came. Good noone following me. Afraid of not only the people roaming the streets, she now had grown afraid of the police. Here to protect and serve, yeah right. Dashing back on to the sidewalk she hurried further down the street. In hopes of finding a small area to be hidden for the night, she looked in and out of the shop and apartment entries. Nothing. Afraid she would wander for the night, reaching in her pocket and counting her few dollars again. Only eighteen left. She could spare five for a safe night, couldn't she?
Just then a man grabbed her arm and shoved her against the window of the store she was passing. The window brightly displayed various women's clothing and lingere with bright red and gold Christmas advertisements. She screamed out in pain and he firmly grasped her shoulder with his large hand. "Hello, honey. How much money do you have?" "I...I don't have anything," she barely stammered out. "You little liar and cheat. Give me what you have," he roared back. Fear rushed through her as she stared up at the man pinning her back against the wall.
Not again, she thought. I can't loose what little money I have. She sqeezed her eyes shut as the memories flooded her mind. Memories of beatings, leaving her bleeing and bruised. Times where every penny was stolen from her. And worst of all, rape. The pain she felt. Emptiness that left her cold on the inside and afraid of everyone around her. Physically hurting for weeks. She had no one to help her, to cause her to understand. To help her heal. To wrap their arms around her. Someone to tell her everything would be ok. Someone to help her continue on.
"C'mon Frank, can't you see the girl doesn't have much if she even has anything. Let's go down to the bar. Find a pretty girl down that way." A man pulled Frank off of her. Shoving her back into the wall one last time Frank yelled in her year, "It's your lucky night little girl. Thank God Johnny's buying me a drink!"
She rushed away quickly as soon as he let go. She hurried accross the street. I have to get away from him, far away. Thoughts flooded her mind, fear tracing it's way through every part of her body. Afraid to look back and find Frank rushing to catch her, she ran with all the strength she had left. Don't look back, keep going. She pleaded with her body to cooperate with her mind.
Turning the corner she saw a building lying ahead. Such intricate design. The large windows cascaded light onto the streets in blues, greens, reds and violets. The composition of the building dated back centuries and caused it to stand out in the dingy streets. Looking up at it she felt drawn to it. Three stories high, it seemed to dominate the street. The arrangement of the building with large stained glass windows, great pillars lined the front and created a sense of domination. Her gazed followed up to the steeple that rose out of the roof top. A great design had been carved into the cross. Flowers and words were scribed in it. With the rain falling she couldn't make out the words written on it.
Please be open, please be open. She begged as she ran up the stairs to the front door. It opened quickly as she pushed on the latch bar. Holding the door so it would close quietly, she slipped her shoes off so they wouldn't squeak on the stone floor. Slipping inside the sanctuary quietly her breath left her. The beauty inside far surpassed the beauty of the outside. Peace flooded her as she slipped into a pew towards the back of the large room.
Looking around she noticed she was alone in this room, but heard faint music coming from back behind the stage and pulpit. She took her jacket off and she shook it out. Lying it on the ground underneath the pew in front of her, she hoped it would dry quickly. Bundling her sweater up into a pillow she lay down. Ducking underneath the pew as not to be noticed she curled up into a ball. Sighing deeply she hoped sleep would come quickly. And without the nightmares she had faced since the night she had been raped.
Sleep overtook her quickly. She never even notice she hadn't felt afraid for the first time since she had spent that first night sleeping on the streets. Peace filled her heart. It was a warm feeling on the inside of her.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
I Let You Go...
Tears fill my eyes as I walk away from you. As I turn to leave I know my heart is breaking. Why must the best decision to make always be the hardest? Why does my heart have to hurt so much?
I know that I love you but that means I must let you go. Oh, how my heart yearns to be with you. Our moments together so few and random. Our time together such diamonds that sparkle through time. They sparkled with our love, our laughter, our hearts bonding.
Your touch was tender and caring. You eyes shone with love. Your caress was soft and in control. You guided me along our path. Your lips kissed mine with passion and desire.
As I leave I know you can't understand why I have to go. I know time will spill the tale. Anguish fills my head with questions, my heart feels ripped in two. Your freedom is necessary, your wings must be spread. I can't hold you back from what you must do.
I know that I love you but that means I must let you go. Oh, how my heart yearns to be with you. Our moments together so few and random. Our time together such diamonds that sparkle through time. They sparkled with our love, our laughter, our hearts bonding.
Your touch was tender and caring. You eyes shone with love. Your caress was soft and in control. You guided me along our path. Your lips kissed mine with passion and desire.
As I leave I know you can't understand why I have to go. I know time will spill the tale. Anguish fills my head with questions, my heart feels ripped in two. Your freedom is necessary, your wings must be spread. I can't hold you back from what you must do.
I love you and that is why I must go.
A Life Unseen
She walked on to the bridge, she'd prepared herself to jump. Her life void and worthless, so she thought. She'd lived, loved and tried with all her heart, with what to show? Nothing, she thought, no money, no car, no job, no friends...huh! and no family. She was afraid of what was lying before her that night. She had no where to turn, no one to run to. This was her end. This was her fate.
She climbed the edge of cement wall and reached her hand around to grasp the outside. She felt her heart beating like a drum in her chest. Tears streamed down her face as she looked at the waters below. The mighty Mississippi so many called it. Mighty it was. The water rushed as the rain added to the gallons already pushing over the banks. Her vision blury from the nonstop tears she tried to steady herself as she held on to a steel frame bar of the bridge.
This is it, I can't look back now. Over the past months she'd considered and anticipated this moment many times. After running out of money, loosing her small apartment and then...she couldn't think of it, the pain was too great. Then...then... then loosing her baby she'd grown to love. She hadn't wanted to be a mom, it had just happened. As she felt the baby grow inside of her, she had felt life once again. Til the day it stopped.
It had stopped so abruptly. No movement, no butterflies from within. Then the pain, oh the pain! She had known what was happening, but couldn't think about it. She had made it through - "Sadly", she wispered aloud. The most freightening moment of her life, until tonight.
All that she had worked for gone. All she had imagine in her future seemed void. Nothing else mattered. When she was gone, no one would notice. Her few pocessions lying on the bridge below her would be all that was left.
As she closed her eyes to leap she wispered a quick prayer, "God forgive me for what I must do, but no one will care. No one will notice. You'll understand. I...I'm sorry." Opening her eyes and leaning to jump...
_
She never heard the cries yelling her name above the wind that wipped about her face nor above the roar of the waters below. She never saw as people mourned her passing, people who missed her greatly.
~every life matters, every life is noted, every life has meaning~
She climbed the edge of cement wall and reached her hand around to grasp the outside. She felt her heart beating like a drum in her chest. Tears streamed down her face as she looked at the waters below. The mighty Mississippi so many called it. Mighty it was. The water rushed as the rain added to the gallons already pushing over the banks. Her vision blury from the nonstop tears she tried to steady herself as she held on to a steel frame bar of the bridge.
This is it, I can't look back now. Over the past months she'd considered and anticipated this moment many times. After running out of money, loosing her small apartment and then...she couldn't think of it, the pain was too great. Then...then... then loosing her baby she'd grown to love. She hadn't wanted to be a mom, it had just happened. As she felt the baby grow inside of her, she had felt life once again. Til the day it stopped.
It had stopped so abruptly. No movement, no butterflies from within. Then the pain, oh the pain! She had known what was happening, but couldn't think about it. She had made it through - "Sadly", she wispered aloud. The most freightening moment of her life, until tonight.
All that she had worked for gone. All she had imagine in her future seemed void. Nothing else mattered. When she was gone, no one would notice. Her few pocessions lying on the bridge below her would be all that was left.
As she closed her eyes to leap she wispered a quick prayer, "God forgive me for what I must do, but no one will care. No one will notice. You'll understand. I...I'm sorry." Opening her eyes and leaning to jump...
_
She never heard the cries yelling her name above the wind that wipped about her face nor above the roar of the waters below. She never saw as people mourned her passing, people who missed her greatly.
~every life matters, every life is noted, every life has meaning~
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Love Caught in the Heart
She walked in the room; the breathe caught in his chest. Her body enticed him, her figure so amazing. Yet she didn't know the impact she had on him. When her gaze met his, he knew his heart skipped a beat.
How she is mine, I'll never understand he thought to himself. Brushing his lips against hers, his kiss greeted her with love. She sat close to him, leaning on his shoulder.
In all the dinners, walks in the park, movies and late night phone calls he still couldn't get enough of her. Her eyes shown with life, her lips the perfect shade of red, her laughter so completely contageous; one couldn't help but join in. Her zest for life and desire to take it all in caused him to yearn for more as well.
She smiled and said, "I love you." He wispered the words back he could barely speak when she was around. Love had never felt so good. When he held her close he could feel their hearts beat as one.
He couldn't try to compare their love, nothing would measure up. The love that they shared, the love he felt. When he first knew he loved her, fear filled his heart. Now only compassion and desire for more took any place in the deepest of parts. Hope for the future and excitement for what is to come were the only emotions he wanted to feed.
Their love filled him, his heart complete.
How she is mine, I'll never understand he thought to himself. Brushing his lips against hers, his kiss greeted her with love. She sat close to him, leaning on his shoulder.
In all the dinners, walks in the park, movies and late night phone calls he still couldn't get enough of her. Her eyes shown with life, her lips the perfect shade of red, her laughter so completely contageous; one couldn't help but join in. Her zest for life and desire to take it all in caused him to yearn for more as well.
She smiled and said, "I love you." He wispered the words back he could barely speak when she was around. Love had never felt so good. When he held her close he could feel their hearts beat as one.
He couldn't try to compare their love, nothing would measure up. The love that they shared, the love he felt. When he first knew he loved her, fear filled his heart. Now only compassion and desire for more took any place in the deepest of parts. Hope for the future and excitement for what is to come were the only emotions he wanted to feed.
Their love filled him, his heart complete.
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
A Different View Outside My Window
My heart has done a great deal of searching and spinning in the past few days. No, I am not different, but I do have a different outlook. I almost feel as if I am looking at a different scene outside my window.
How many of you would say that you are capable of committing murder? WOW, what a brash question. Well think about it. Do you think some day you could take a gun and actually kill someone?? Do you think you could steal someone's car, burn their house or kidnap their child?
--STOP--
Think about that for a moment and answer those questions in your head to yourself. Keep that answer in the back of your mind as I continue...in a little different direction.
Let's flip to a very elementary learning. Right and wrong, good and bad, obeying and disobeying. But let's go back to your childhood. We are taught not to; hit, say mean things, lie, steal, cheat, murder, etc... It's just the American way. Teach your children right from wrong. How many of you stole pieces of candy or told little white lies or snuck out in high school or drank when your parents told you not to? Yes, each of us starts with a sin nature. Each of us has the urge to disobey. So in raising us our parents are trying to teach us to fight the sin nature, which is urging us to do wrong.
Now, lets go to a controversial subject; The War in Iraq. Yes, a difficult subject for me. My brother-in-law was at war for a long time and one of my very good friends was severely injured in Iraq fighting for the Iraqi's freedom. Ok, so we as Americans and people of "Western Civilization" see the Iraqi or more so muslim people as terrorists. Yes, I do believe some are terrorists, but bear with me for a moment.
Ok, now let's look at a an Iraqi or maybe even a muslim child's upbringing. They are taught right from wrong as well...except their upbringing is quite a bit different. Muslim children are raise that giving their lives and taking others is a way to serve their god and their country. They are taught that they are killing for a good cause. They are taught their way is.
So what we see as murderous, hateful, terroristic is what they see as honorable and justified and right. Those of you who said you couldn't murder or couldn't steal or any of those things have to think again. You were raised not to, but when it comes down to it, you have a sin nature and must fight the battle against it each day. You must choose not to succumb to the urge to fight, steal, cheat or even murder. You have to teach your flesh who is in charge.
No, I do not believe muslims are correct. I believe each of us is taught something in our upbringing and we live with the consequences today. Because of Abraham and Ishmel thousands of years ago we live with a malcontent group of people who wage war against others. Each decision made has a result; an outcome and people live with your choices many, many years later.
So in essence you should look inside yourself and realize we can't deem ourselves as better than the people we fight today. We too have the very chance of becoming what we see. So pray for those you deem less than you because really you are no greater.
How many of you would say that you are capable of committing murder? WOW, what a brash question. Well think about it. Do you think some day you could take a gun and actually kill someone?? Do you think you could steal someone's car, burn their house or kidnap their child?
--STOP--
Think about that for a moment and answer those questions in your head to yourself. Keep that answer in the back of your mind as I continue...in a little different direction.
Let's flip to a very elementary learning. Right and wrong, good and bad, obeying and disobeying. But let's go back to your childhood. We are taught not to; hit, say mean things, lie, steal, cheat, murder, etc... It's just the American way. Teach your children right from wrong. How many of you stole pieces of candy or told little white lies or snuck out in high school or drank when your parents told you not to? Yes, each of us starts with a sin nature. Each of us has the urge to disobey. So in raising us our parents are trying to teach us to fight the sin nature, which is urging us to do wrong.
Now, lets go to a controversial subject; The War in Iraq. Yes, a difficult subject for me. My brother-in-law was at war for a long time and one of my very good friends was severely injured in Iraq fighting for the Iraqi's freedom. Ok, so we as Americans and people of "Western Civilization" see the Iraqi or more so muslim people as terrorists. Yes, I do believe some are terrorists, but bear with me for a moment.
Ok, now let's look at a an Iraqi or maybe even a muslim child's upbringing. They are taught right from wrong as well...except their upbringing is quite a bit different. Muslim children are raise that giving their lives and taking others is a way to serve their god and their country. They are taught that they are killing for a good cause. They are taught their way is.
So what we see as murderous, hateful, terroristic is what they see as honorable and justified and right. Those of you who said you couldn't murder or couldn't steal or any of those things have to think again. You were raised not to, but when it comes down to it, you have a sin nature and must fight the battle against it each day. You must choose not to succumb to the urge to fight, steal, cheat or even murder. You have to teach your flesh who is in charge.
No, I do not believe muslims are correct. I believe each of us is taught something in our upbringing and we live with the consequences today. Because of Abraham and Ishmel thousands of years ago we live with a malcontent group of people who wage war against others. Each decision made has a result; an outcome and people live with your choices many, many years later.
So in essence you should look inside yourself and realize we can't deem ourselves as better than the people we fight today. We too have the very chance of becoming what we see. So pray for those you deem less than you because really you are no greater.
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