Write For My Last Breath

So I've always said I could write 1000 words before I could ever say anything. One of my friends used to pressure me to open up and share what was inside of me, constantly. I guess that was part of the reason our friendship is not what it used to be. Granted there were several other circumstances and situations that changed our friendship. I am very candid when it comes to life, purpose and God. But I am a closed person on the inside. I have very vivid memories of my parents asking me questions; why I had done something, what I was thinking or feeling when tragic events occured or even what I wanted in life. I literally could not say anything...my only response was "I don't know." Because truthfully, sometimes I don't know. I don't know what I think until I begin to write it out...I don't know how I feel until I make time to get away and begin to feel it. I don't know until allow myself to break. Tragic events I suppose cause me to hurt, be afraid and such; but I pull to myself. I typically don't run to another person to gain strength, I look for the strength God has given me and put on the inside where I've tucked it away. I KNOW there are moments when I do need a person's ear, someone to hold me or even to look someone in the eye and tell how I truly feel. I write to say the little things I cannot find the words to express or the life I feel inside of me. I write to share what a heart feels when it is most alone in the crowd of a thousand people.