staying at the table

This weekend at Upper Room Kurt talked about "Staying at the Table". Staying at the table when someone has hurt, wrong, angered or more so...betrayed you...or when you've done any of the same to anyone else. It made me think about all the times I've sat at the table and had a situation similar to this. How many times had I STAYED at the table and fought for a relationship? How many times had I given up and walked away or gotten so angry I didn't want to deal with the situation and because of that left the table?

I look back and see the times where I've done someone wrong and they've stayed at the table and fought for our relationship - fought for our friendship even though I was in the wrong. I see the situations where they were hurt or angry and left the table...left our relationship out of my wrong doing. Then I see the times where someone has done me wrong and and they stayed at the table, wanting forgiveness...there were times when I walked away angry and didn't want to try for the relationship. A few times the relationship was lost and other times we went back to the table and our relationship was restored.

Looking at my life and the times I've been at the table there's been one relationship I've sat there repeatedly. Many times my fault, but sometimes their fault. This relationship has been a struggle...a relationship I've HAD to work at. The other person has had to work at the relationship as well. We disagree, fight and definitely have different points of view, but I've grown greatly through this relationship. I've learned to see through others eyes, I've learned to love and forgive even when your heart is screaming to walk away, to give it all up. Now that I've put so many years into the relationship, I couldn't think to give it up now, could I? The thing is, I could. Very easily when the times are tough I could step away and let it all go. But I'm choosing to work at it, I'm choosing to love and forgive and ask for forgiveness. I'm choosing the harder road. I love this person greatly, and I'd give anything for them. I've battled for their relationship, now I'd battle others for them. I know there will be days when we face each other accross the table once again...but I know it will make us stronger.

Sometimes I wonder if length of relationship is the only reason we stick somethings out. Or may it's because the person is family. Or because we don't want to go through the struggle of loosing someone and the normalcy of having that relationship in our lives? Sometimes we only tough things out because we've already been through a lot with someone. Are we really staying at the table to work things out because we love the person and want to grow through the relationship?

Seeing back at the first "table" I wonder if I would have the strength to do the same? Could I sit at the table with my closest friends and family and KNOW that each one was going to betray me...betray me with their lives and still sit there and break bread with them? Could I do what Jesus did and forgive them ... even before it even happened?