healthy lifestyle

there seems to be this seam, pattern, running through our lives, a thread that brings every aspect together…whether the thread is a good thing or a bad thing is completely determined by you. a healthy lifestyle, unhealthy...procrastination, strength, ability, motivation, focus, distractions, fear, timidity. living a life following a certain lifestyle will run throughout your whole being. i see in my friends and family how certain things stand out. more importantly, i see it in my own life.
someone who tends to eat healthier, they seem to have healthier relationships. maybe they just focus more on others and the clarity of their life. they seem to have this sense of strength in their life, self control maybe it is, that causes their relationships to be stronger…more controlled and healthier. Someone who tends to be more lackadaisical in their lifestyle, is the same in their relationships. parents, family, friend’s relationships aren’t tended to in the same way, or maybe treated with urgency.
i think we are the same way with God. seeing Christ with eyes that aren’t as apt, or rather, aren’t as prone to live with your life and body held in high regard, we treat our relationship with the same tendencies. maybe when we tend to be healthy when we look at Him as a source for life…same way someone looks at food when they eat notoriously. how is my life today? am I a healthy person? do i treat my life with high regard?

I Don't Know How to Make This Work

I don't know how to make this work. I need you to fight, to tell me my worth. I need to know that you really didn't mean it all. That this won't cause us to fall. I need to know what I deserve. So I won't just be here going through the motions, sitting in verve. You have to tell me how much you care. Let me know that you'll always be here.

Otherwise I'm going to walk away. Forget all we've sacrificed, the prices we've paid. I'll take the towel and throw it in. I might just let this all end.

Unless you tell me how to make this work. Tell me how much I'm truly worth.

it continues

you say you love her, truly you do. but character shows the opposite, more so the things you do.
hurting her daily, causing such pain - with out regrets, remorse or even shame.
you've been caught red handed, guilty as charged. label, branded, now you think you've been discharged?
you're upset...angry you've not gotten away with the dirty deeds. irate and mouthy you've turned into someone who misleads.
caught in the middle, those little ones stay. ignorantly they smile, and are learning to obey.
unfairly she's hurting...living a life full of pain. her body the greatest subject of your chain.
you think as though its nothing, just something you do. but its slowly been eating away, the scars her heart does accrue.
on top of your sin, now come words and wrongful actions. only cause her harsh, brutal reactions.
oh the pain those words and actions have added. causing your lives, to grow so divided.
now today she wakes up needing you gone. angrily you tell her she's always been wrong.
what shall she do? where shall she turn? she's reached this place where we've all been concered.
staying or going, questions in her mind. you have begun to be full of words, quite deemed maligned
we all wait in fear and frustration. knowning much of this was caused by your sinful flirtation.
addiction much greater than your muscles, for it takes more than a physical tussle.
you have created this chaos and disorder, she's now reached the limit - her furthest border.
with breath held agasp, we pray for His force. aware that maybe this has to follow its full course.

You and Me

Letting go of all else, as hard as it may seem,
with the best reasons, I accept this new dream.

As much as I want this, as much as I know this is true...
letting go of the past and things I wanted to do.

I am learning to mourn and move on,
this is something I can't help but follow, to act upon.

The past is fading into forgetfulness, I see the future bright,
excitement fills me, all of my being knows this is right.

Even through this trying time, I love more with every second,
it doesn't matter to us just what others say or reckon.

We we fit together perfectly, a pair created for each other,
for us, there is no one else we'd rather.

Trust

Its really hard for me to trust. When its not been earned enough.
How can I change this? Why must that be? I want to know 100%, completely.
Part of me says its not so, part of me just doesn't want to let it all go.
I can't understand or always know what you're thinking. That makes me restrict all my heart is wanting.
I guess time is what it will take. But I feel as though there always isn't enough.

~

To live my life pure in Your eyes. To sacrifice all I have. To love You more each day. To give all I have to give away. To follow Your path and Your desires. To be who You created me to be.

I want to live my life loving Him more and more each day. Sometimes I feel like I just don't know how, its in those times I just seem to find my way.

Lost Identity

"If you try to find intimacy with another person before achieving a sense of identity on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to compete yourself."

A course at Seattle Pacific U taught by Dr Les & Leslie Parrott is always started with that statement.

Take a moment and think about that. Think about moments you've tried to be complete in someone else. When someone else is in need of you, your services, desires you...you then feel complete, right?

As humans we constantly are searching and trying to find fulfillment in something, someone or somewhere other than ourselves...or rather, Christ inside of us.

I have a friend who has had a rough past year. Over the last year they have gone from a serious relationship - 5 years together + engagement - to calling off the wedding two months out, breaking off the relationship completely, trying not to face the heartbreak, dating 3 or 4 people at a time to now dating someone they never would have considered dating and have now begun to consider getting engaged to this new person. What does that look like to you? Someone who is searching, looking for something to fill a void in their life.

I truly think when a seriously relationship is ended, you need time to find out who you are again, time to regain a sense of stability in yourself and who you are in Christ. Granted, this shouldn't be lost in a relationship, but you have begun to walk in sync with the person you are dating. Now you must be just you once again (which is a good thign). There is this time and need not to be in a relationship. Otherwise you are going to begin to jump from relationship to relationship, one person to the next... Rebound. Cough, cough. Its amazing how real that silly little term is. We've all heard it whispered, discussed, laughed about or even cried about - rebound. But just how real it is, is heartbreaking.

When you've lost (or even never had gained) the identity of YOU and put any identity you own into a relationship - you can't be complete enough to handle a healthy relationship. You can't be real enough for someone to love you, fully love YOU. Then you've begun to try to complete yourself in that person's love for you, need for you, caring for you... Women begin to clean house and nest, men begin to make more money, be more macho. Its human nature to want the feeling of being needed.

Now there's a healthy balance to being needed; a healthy equal between being needed and being stable in who you are.

Think about that statement one more time - how are you finding stability in Christ and who Christ has made you....JUST you.

"If you try to find intimacy with another person before achieving a sense of identity on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to compete yourself."

Do I Measure Up?

I've come to realize I may never be good enough. I just may not measure up. What if all I have to give you, isn't enough? What if you tire of who I am, tire of "us"? Two people loving each other, a relationship does not make. I'm afraid you'll say goodbye and walk away. I'm afraid you'll find me a bore, silly, ridiculous or what you never bargained for. Yes, I can be quite worse than each of those.

But all in all, I'm afraid I'll fail. I'm afraid I won't be able to stick things out, to follow through. I'm afraid I won't know just how to love you. I'm afraid to let go and be 100 % in this, as much as I should. My heavy heart sinks down knowing that you are amazing and I fall more than just shy of perfect. I'm this broken, slightly ruined person just trying to piece my life together with some sort of semblence it should hold. I try and try to be your match, to help you be who you are supposed to be...but some how, some way I feel as though I fail in each and every way.

Post Secret

What is your deepest darkest secret?

What would you only share with a stranger...someone who would not judge you? Someone who would just listen and not talk? What are you afraid of the world knowing about you?

This weekend for a Young Life project the leaders shared their deepest secrets. Its amazing what people would love to get out, just get off their chest - if they are given the opportunity. Have you taken the time to trust someone enough to pour your soul out for them? To give them the ability to love you - the real you.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2008/02/sunday-secrets_17.html
http://entertainment.webshots.com/photo/2510394290074606470BHdZJm

Assuming...

...only makes an, well we know the saying, out of ...you. Not me. Once you've assumed and come to conclusions, you don't seem to care to know the truth. You've got your theories and ideas, you've written a novel and suggestions of what it may be. But its not. Its not the truth at all, you have conjured up quite the story inside your head. Your idea of the truth is, sadly, far past misconstrued. I fear that you've let what others said, the lies and deception they played, find a place inside your head. Now your heart has followed, you begun to live the life of "taking the high road" when it was never the low road to begin with. Its amazing all they've told ME, thinking I would want to know; continuing the gossip and angry things they said. Your friends, they said once they were; now they come running, wanting me to know the "truth". First thought in my head, I don't have a concern with what you've spoken. My life I live, my own to keep or ruin, to live aware or broken. I fear for you, for the place you've arrived at - living with the lies. I tried to stop it - I warned him of HIS own words. Now you've become angry, quite revengeful and bitter.


But the best part of it all...you're a better Christian. Such a great person. Good thing I have Christ to save me, right?

Or rather -It is a good thing I am open and honest before my Christ, knowing He sees the good in me and my potential. But mostly, that He loves the bad and corrects the things I need to change. That I allow Him to have full reign...