Strange Mix of Things

How is it that I could wake up today excited about the day...yet at the same time completely frustrated? I've had a weird few days the past couple days. I have been completely ... peaceful and happy. At the same time I have been very upset about something that happened. It's quite strange and definitely out of the ordinary for me. I have an abnormal sense of calm and happiness about my life and the people around me, yet something happened that hurts immensely. It feels like a dagger straight to my heart. How can I feel such joy through the pain? God does say joy comes in the morning. Yet I feel as though I am mourning. I guess mainly I am questioning. Wondering. Surviving. Trying to sort through the events that lead up to the situation. I am attempting to well, figure out why what was done, was done.

Thus far, I am okay through it all. You never expect people to hurt you; or rather you wouldn't like to expect for them to. But sometimes, I suppose the inevitable is to come. Maybe we're "due" for a hurting. Okay, yes it sounds wrong or strange, but in essence we are "due for a raise" or "due for a teeth cleaning at the dentist" or better yet "due for a hair cut and color." Why wouldn't we be "due for a hurting or a beating or a thrashing." No, it just doesn't seem right, doesn't seem like God. But isn't that how life seems to be? When life is going grand and you haven't worried about mediocre things of late; that's when it seems all hell breaks loose?

I wish for not only my sake but the other person's sake take could reverse itself and we could take back what they did. But life is a ticking clock. Time can't stop, once the hour glass is empty, there's no stuffing sand back in. I feel sadness and pain not only from what happened, but for the person who hurt me. I despise hurting others, so I feel sad that they have hurt me. Strange, yes. Yet I wish I could take back what they did, for them. Take it back so my pain and "blood" isn't on their hands. Have they no clue how much it hurt? Probably. Do they care? Now, I'm not so sure. I thought they did, but then...I woke today and my mind had change. Sleep and coerced my mind to think a different way.

So today. Today I choose to be happy, yet again. I choose to walk away. Love fills my heart. Some how. Some how it fills me completely yet it doesn't mask the pain. It can't take that away. Maybe it's because of Christmas I feel the happiness I feel. Or maybe because I am reaching out to others. Maybe because I choose to lay my burdens at the cross. Because I know I have a Jesus who takes my cares away. I live the life I live with joy because I carry that with me. I carry Him with me. The mercy and grace we have. What treasures those are. I shall walk in love. Yes my hurts cause me to be stronger. But love causes me to grow.

To Love The Life I Live

Lately I've questioned what people think and feel about me, what they truly think. I want people to love me for the God I love. When it comes down to it, I don't care how people think about me. I don't care what car I drive, I don't care about the clothes I wear, I don't care about the music I listen to, I don't care what words I use.

I care about God. I care about His plan for my life, I care about how much He loves me. What did He think of my day? How did He feel about the people I spent time with? Sure, I love nice clothes, hott cars, amazing music and quite definitely grand words. But I would throw all that away if keeping it meant giving up God.

Blogging, yes it is for you Mandy. I want God to open my eyes to see new things, to appreciate new things and better yet, old things. Things that have been around me I don't truly appreciate and cherish. For me to see my world in a different light.

I want to love the life I live. I want to live the life I live with great intentions. I want to follow after God. I want to wake up daily excited for what God has in store. I want God to unveil the things I have hid from my own eyes. Life is so grand, each day is new. Each day is a re-do to start over and fix what we've let go askew. Let's start today with a smile and know the direction it takes is a gift.

"So I let my words be few. Jesus I am so in love with you."