Baby Names

My sister, Cari, niece, Emilie, and I were discussing baby names this week. As “someone” in the family is pregnant, yet again. (cough, cough)

Emilie was telling me all of the names of the kids in her class… i.e. David, Silas (Bible names have come in style!), Sarah, Emma, Ava, Tryu (I have NO idea and no idea how to spell it either), etc…

Cari suggested a baby name, asking Emilie’s opinion of the name. “What about Gertude, Emilie?”

Emilie clasped her hands together, tilted her head to the side and with a look of pure joy said, “I love that name.”

I stared at Cari thinking… well, I hope your baby enjoys being called “Gertie”!

Grace-isms

Over the past few weeks I have been thinking back to Grace’s first few years and the funny things she would do. She was definitely a ham! So, I made a short list of my favorites… just so I could remember them for her high school graduation and her wedding.

When she was year-old my mum, Grace and I were in the car heading to my parents house in the evening. Grace typically went to be at least by 7 PM. That girl needed as much sleep as possible! We were out "late" and it had become dark outside… which Grace rarely ever saw! Grace turned to me and politely asked, “Linny, can you turn the dark off please?”

Conversation between Grace and my mum: Grace – “So-&-So is FAT.” Mum – “Oh, really? … … How does that make you feel?” Grace – “I LIKE it!!” Truly appearance isn't all that is important to a child!

Grace and my mum came to visit me while I lived in Texas. She was just over a year and half and knew how to grab anyone’s attention! One morning she and my mum walked into my office to visit while I was working. While talking with several of my co-workers Grace began to walk around very hunched over with her hands clasped behind her back. Finally, someone asked her what she was doing. Practically, Grace answered, “Walking around like an old lady.” Clearly, she spend a LOT of time with my Grandma Brown and her friends!

One day when Grace was 4, Jackson was 2 and Emilie was 1, Cari and I took them to the Eden Prairie Mall. The kids were playing in this laser light game-thingy while Cari and I sat and chatted. We were only sitting a few feet away and overhead a conversation between Grace and a six-something-year-old woman. The woman kept asking if they were having a nice time playing together. Grace and Jack responded, “Yes.” The woman then asked Grace if she enjoyed playing with her brother and sister. Grace said, “No, they’re my nephew and niece.” To which the woman insisted, “You mean your brother and sister? Or maybe your cousins.” Again, Grace adamantly said, “No, they’re my nephew and niece.” The woman once again corrected her. This argument went back and forth several times. Finally, Cari and I stood up and said, “Actually, she is correct. They are her nephew and niece.” The woman shook her head and walked away. I looked at Cari and said, “Her fault for fighting with a 3-year-old!” Poor Grace, this happens soooo often! But the question is, why do people fight with a child they don’t even know?!

Girlfriend Advice

I've had many, many, many (too many) conversations with girls throughout my life discussing relationships. Most have come down to one simple fact: the girl doesn’t have a sense of identity on her own. Therefore through all of her relationships she begins to “become” like the person she is dating. She has no idea who she truly is and will never know, until she comes to a point in her life where she is alright being single and truly knows who she is. This statement sums it all up.

"If you try to find intimacy with another person before achieving a sense of identity on your own, all of your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself."

Now, if only all of us women could truly comprehend this, our lives would be so much simpler.

I've Been Lost in Life...

I've missed blogging, quite a bit. Life's been hectic between getting engaged, planning a snap wedding, getting married, sweet honeymoonin, moving, settling in, figuring out this whole married life/wife thing... yeah, not much time for everything that life should include. Especially my favorites, like blogging. :)

Your Eyes

What am I in your eyes? Just another girl? Just someone you can walk on and not care; someone who you like to pretend matters to everyone on the outside?

I want to be just me, in your eyes. I want to be special and have a reason to be me. I want your eyes to shine when they see me. I want your view to be special, pronounced, important. But none of that is seen when I look in your eyes.

What are you seeing through your eyees? What are your intents? All my mistakes, all my misgivings, all my faults; are all I see when I look in your eyes.

This emptiness fills me, until I can't understand why? Why can't you see me through a good light, why you can't seem to understand that you hold my heart, my life?

Deep down inside, I know I should really stop looking in your eyes; and focus on His eyes…

Three Nights to Change A Life

There was that night you stood by my chair. Sitting, standing, pestering. That one moment of hope you held on to. That one moment you asked, with a sparkle in your eye. I remember it so clearly. Though it was months ago, I feel like it was just yesterday. You asked and I, well, I just gave in. I felt like I was dragging my feet, like I was afraid of the inevitable...afraid of what I knew was to come. But I felt peace. A kiss on the cheek, “Good night” was said.
There was that night you stood at my door. And there I was standing behind it, just a bit afraid to open it...to open the future. Know what was coming. Sitting across from you, fear knotted in my stomach, surprise and excited filling my heart. Peace. That is when the peace came. I begged my heart not to believe it. I begged my soul not to know. But I knew and deep down I already believed it. A kiss to ring in a new beginning.
There was that night you stood beside me. You told me to take the chair. I was shaking and nervous, but not as much as you. Holding what I assumed to be mine, yet still not quite sure. Again, I knew what was coming…but I couldn’t let myself believe it. You said those words, six words that held such power. Peace came again. Of course. :) Of course was all I could say. And a kiss, a kiss to seal the deal.

I mean, I'm not going to tell you who to vote for, but...

I won't tell you who to vote for. You SHOULD research that yourself. But...check out this video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhDRVKDcXQo

Have a voice and at least vote!!! Registration deadlines are (Alaska, Nevada, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Washington) THIS Saturday, October 4th and in MANY places NEXT Monday, October 6th!

Check Rock the Vote to see your state's registration deadline.http://www.rockthevote.com/electioncenter/ (In Minnesota you can register on Election Day - Nov 4th!)

Know the issues! Know what you stand for!http://www.rockthevote.com/electioncenter/know-the-issues/

Just Tell Me Already!

I know the truth already. Just tell me...so I won't have to ask again. You've had this window to my heart, unfairly taken. With the deception, I'll stop writing. You won't hear anymore, as its already begun to fade. Its slowly dying. Just tell me what you should. I'll even pretend like I didn't know and let it go.

What are you going to give me? How will I have a window into your heart, when today it doesn't even feel like mine? This is 'give and take' you say...only taking on your part and the giving on mine? I'm confused? Money doesn't buy my heart; honesty and a one hundred percent committment will.

I'm waiting...



But can only wait so long.

I Quit You Today

I quit you today, just got up and walked away. You're like this drug I couldn't stop taking, control over my whole being.

You came in and changed my world around, now I'm not sure where I can be found.I might have lost direction, but maybe I was just looking for perfection.

Realizing now that can't be attained, I've stopped looking for everything to be explained.Leaving all just as it is and letting things lie, I'm going to see what is the truth between you and I.

Past, Present or the Future...

Strong it is to control this whole scheme. How big and great it looms over you. Oh how much, it soon will begin to frustrate me.

Not letting go will do that to you. Holding on to what was comfortable and made you feel good. But sometimes we've got to move on and decide what we'll do.

You act as if she's not there...lingering into what is us. A part of who we are together. When I ask a question, you say not to press.

Still you hold on, keeping little gifts, notes and plenty of pics. Acting as if I don't see it, as if I don't realize they're there. Maybe you're still in too thick.

Hiding it doesn't help, you slip up and they come out. Then you pretend not to notice, or pay attention when I ask. But now I've begun to doubt.

That large white elephant sits in the room. Funny thing this game is, you pretending she's not there. That elephant's name is "Doom".

Either I'm it or I'm not. Keep your trinkets of past or give me you're all. But we both can't be here, realize you're already caught.

What do you say, the future or the past? Decision time is coming quickly. The dealine will be here fast.

Where will you choose to live? Go back to her, or move on with me... Either way, I'll choose to forgive.

PS - I know you're reading.

to give what i need...

The deception is worse than lying. Please just tell me the truth. Please, oh please, just be 100% honest with me. I'd rather learn from something that hurts, then walk down this road a while longer. I need the truth...what you're afraid to tell. I need you to say you can't seem to spill.

I try to tell you what and how I feel, yet some how...its always taken wrong. Maybe I can never say things just right. But at least it's said. At least my effort is given.

Do I not measure up? Do I not compare?
I don't understand...but I need the truth.
Just give me the truth...

Pecking Order...

There's this pecking order...this order to how we live life. Along the lines of "king of the hill" or "queen of sheeba". Its all about who's the best...the smartest, the prettiest, wisest and who has the best man, career, children, car...whatever you can think of. Why must we participate in these games? Can't we just live and ... let live? You compete to be better than I am, when we're the same: just people, working towards our life goals; in love, in work, in life; enjoying life...trying to follow the right path. Yet there's this fierce competition which one of us is better, who is the one who comes out on top. Even when I walk away and try to not say something, its brought back - this stone thrown to see if I'll fight back. When I do, I feel horrible...like I shouldn't say anything. But its constant, the only thing you do. Like we have nothing else better to say, nothing else better to accomplish than this little, ridiculous game.

Is there a way...a way possible to make it stop? I suppose I'll have to learn not to respond.

lonely

She's sad and she doesn't know why. She can't give you an answer, she can't tell you if she's going to cry. Her heart is aching, a bitter slow hurt. Its on the inside and she feels as though her life it'll subvert. Living from day to day, hoping to make do. She's afraid she just might not make it through. Its like a fog that slowly crept in. Its come and taken over, unpacked and moved in. Now she can't stop it, change how she feels. Afraid, lonely and worried...she's not even sure if these feelings she can conceal. When will this end? When will it be done? When will she feel like she did, before all of this had begun?

Divorce Celebrations?

Its amazing how we celebrate divorce. We have "Finally Free" parties, "Single Again" parties. We have a TV show "Unhitched". Why is it that we are so ok with celebrating failure and recklessness in our lives? Why are we taking the very thing that Christ wanted held in high regard and putting no value on it any longer? The Bible says, "What God has brought together, let no man put asunder." So why can we so easily celebrate something that has completely fallen to pieces? What about all the money you spent on the wedding ceremony, reception...divorce, lawyers, time away from work, alimony...ugh!

I'm Not Gonna Write You A Love Song Cuz You Ask...

for it, cuz you need one...
"Write about my boyfriend, this one...not the one at Applebee's," you say. I could write plenty about you, boyfriend, more than I want you to hear me say. But that's why I don't, because I know I say too many things. I can't say the right things to you boyfriend, the things that make you happy or to cheer you up. I just say the truth and far too much. Care about you, boyfriend, I do. Maybe that's why I'm brutally honest and let anything slip, boyfriend, I pour out like I've opened a door and can't control what I say at times. Maybe I should be kinder with my words, more cautious and careful. But, boyfriend, I am who I am, I say what I do and work through that I will true to follow through.

You, my boyfriend, are my boyfriend because I want you to be. Because you make me happy. Because, boyfriend, I know this is true. Letting you in, is what I am working on. Letting my feelings show, is what I am starting to do.

That is how I love. Boyfriend, that is how I work to make this work.

Love you, boyfriend? Love you...I do.

But boyfriend, I only write about you...because I want to. Never because you'd ask me to.

The Storm That Didn't Cease

Its raining again today. I don't know where to turn. I feel myself becoming soaked in rain water again. All too soon my tears are mixed in. I'm not sure where to turn, or even what to say this time. Its seems as if the storm never ended, but merely just has been on pause.

Its flooding again today. The water has been dancing about my feet a for while now. My ankles are covered in the flood. I can't see the floor or know where to step next. I feel like I'm walking in the dark, afraid I'll fall off the edge and not know where I've stepped.

Its dark again today. The sun has hid its light from the pain I feel. Its cold and brash outside. The storm beating all about me. The clouds came in with the cold rain and flood. Darkness crept into my world with out any notice given.

Its in the calm of the storm, I need to hear your words whisper. I need to hear from you Lord.

healthy lifestyle

there seems to be this seam, pattern, running through our lives, a thread that brings every aspect together…whether the thread is a good thing or a bad thing is completely determined by you. a healthy lifestyle, unhealthy...procrastination, strength, ability, motivation, focus, distractions, fear, timidity. living a life following a certain lifestyle will run throughout your whole being. i see in my friends and family how certain things stand out. more importantly, i see it in my own life.
someone who tends to eat healthier, they seem to have healthier relationships. maybe they just focus more on others and the clarity of their life. they seem to have this sense of strength in their life, self control maybe it is, that causes their relationships to be stronger…more controlled and healthier. Someone who tends to be more lackadaisical in their lifestyle, is the same in their relationships. parents, family, friend’s relationships aren’t tended to in the same way, or maybe treated with urgency.
i think we are the same way with God. seeing Christ with eyes that aren’t as apt, or rather, aren’t as prone to live with your life and body held in high regard, we treat our relationship with the same tendencies. maybe when we tend to be healthy when we look at Him as a source for life…same way someone looks at food when they eat notoriously. how is my life today? am I a healthy person? do i treat my life with high regard?

I Don't Know How to Make This Work

I don't know how to make this work. I need you to fight, to tell me my worth. I need to know that you really didn't mean it all. That this won't cause us to fall. I need to know what I deserve. So I won't just be here going through the motions, sitting in verve. You have to tell me how much you care. Let me know that you'll always be here.

Otherwise I'm going to walk away. Forget all we've sacrificed, the prices we've paid. I'll take the towel and throw it in. I might just let this all end.

Unless you tell me how to make this work. Tell me how much I'm truly worth.

it continues

you say you love her, truly you do. but character shows the opposite, more so the things you do.
hurting her daily, causing such pain - with out regrets, remorse or even shame.
you've been caught red handed, guilty as charged. label, branded, now you think you've been discharged?
you're upset...angry you've not gotten away with the dirty deeds. irate and mouthy you've turned into someone who misleads.
caught in the middle, those little ones stay. ignorantly they smile, and are learning to obey.
unfairly she's hurting...living a life full of pain. her body the greatest subject of your chain.
you think as though its nothing, just something you do. but its slowly been eating away, the scars her heart does accrue.
on top of your sin, now come words and wrongful actions. only cause her harsh, brutal reactions.
oh the pain those words and actions have added. causing your lives, to grow so divided.
now today she wakes up needing you gone. angrily you tell her she's always been wrong.
what shall she do? where shall she turn? she's reached this place where we've all been concered.
staying or going, questions in her mind. you have begun to be full of words, quite deemed maligned
we all wait in fear and frustration. knowning much of this was caused by your sinful flirtation.
addiction much greater than your muscles, for it takes more than a physical tussle.
you have created this chaos and disorder, she's now reached the limit - her furthest border.
with breath held agasp, we pray for His force. aware that maybe this has to follow its full course.

You and Me

Letting go of all else, as hard as it may seem,
with the best reasons, I accept this new dream.

As much as I want this, as much as I know this is true...
letting go of the past and things I wanted to do.

I am learning to mourn and move on,
this is something I can't help but follow, to act upon.

The past is fading into forgetfulness, I see the future bright,
excitement fills me, all of my being knows this is right.

Even through this trying time, I love more with every second,
it doesn't matter to us just what others say or reckon.

We we fit together perfectly, a pair created for each other,
for us, there is no one else we'd rather.