Why is it that growing times tend to be difficult times…and difficult times tend to be growing times? Can we not go through changes without…difficulty? Does our flesh always dominate our lives? Why is it that my flesh seems to dominate more often than not? I want to be in control, I want to be happy, I want life to be grand….but I also want to grow, change, be molded and shaped into a better person. I don't want to stay as I am.
I've been frustrated a lot of late; the things around me, who I am, the places I've been.
No, not like you are thinking…let me clarify:
I am talking about my life and ridding it of complacency and of being a better person. I mean more in that I know BETTER than the words I use, I know better than my actions yet I tend to do both, often. I tend to be harsh, brash if you will, ugly and not always nice. I WANT to be nice…but it seems as if I say unkind things. I want to love those around me but judge them and compare myself, wondering how I can be better. But is that bad? It might be a good thing that I compare and use them as a measuring stick for my life. But my life is not supposed to be like theirs. I am supposed to be me.
So during a "growing" time when I am changing and becoming a better person…it hurts, a lot like working out and lifting weights…it stretches your muscles and you hurt when you've had a good lifting session. But a day or two later you start to see the difference. It could hurt me right now, but a short while from now I will feel and see the difference. It would be a lot easier if I could see and feel the changes/growing while it's happening. I'd be a lot more willing to take the pain and make the changes! Not that it's always painful to go through changes, but the biggest changes in life are typically the most difficult to go through...
How are you growing and changing? What molding is going on in your life? Do you feel the pain while you grow or is your shaping easier?
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1 comment:
I know EXACTLY what you mean! there's times when you just want to lax up in life, because it so seems so much easier the way everyone elses lives are going...or you just want to control the happiness around you, even though it wont bring true happiness to you!!! like for me mine is relationships...and I've felt a lot lately like it's just ridiculous(I think I mispelled that there) that all of my friends are in relationships...and I'm much older than ALL of them, and I've sacrificed so many relationships for God and so much of my personal life for God, and yet I'm not the one in a happy relationship?! but yet somehow I know that because I'm waiting for an amazing relationship and not just "a" relationship, it's the right thing...I think that bugs me more...is the fact that most of the time I know "the right thing"...and so I can never do some of the things my friends do, or just get in "a" relationship...ya know what I mean? but good stuff...you are not alone friend...
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