am i drowning or shinning?

Has your brain ever felt like it was swimming with 1000 things? Gah! I feel as though I am going insane. I've got a thousand things on my mind...a thousand things to get done...a thousand decisions to make...a thousand questions needing answers and well...none of it is going to happen today! I have so many changes happening and life seems all to hectic at the moment.

A great part of me feels like I am in a river. A river rushing with water overflowing it's banks, and I'm barely keeping my head above the water. I feel like I'm fighting for life and almost drowning (good thing I had swimming lessons when I was young). Then there's this part of me that is shinning - like the sun on an ever so bright summer day. Those days when the sun is blazing down on you, calling for you to head to the lake and hang out on the boat. Like there's this glimmer of happiness, excitement and hope for everything that's going on. Such newness in my life that makes the future look so enticing.

I see these choices, decisions and very prominent tasks I have, and they're all so great, but most have been sprung on me. Most I wasn't exactly planning on and well...now it's happening. Great! I can take that...but give me a bit of time to prepare for such choices!

Why can't I just be the part that's shinning? Why can't I just stay above water long enough to make it through the next few months? So frustrating...yet so thrilling to have such newness all about me, right?

my little grace...

Live your life the fullest it can be. Don't let go of family, they're all you'll have left in your hardest moments. Don't loose sight of your dreams. Never lay them down for something immediate. The future is always in front of you, but so quickly it becomes today. Learn from your mistakes, but choose to learn from others more often. Guard your heart, don't give it away. When love finds you, don't let go and love with all your being...love true and real. Don't let others hurt you; when you are hurt forgive quickly and move on. Take the smallest of moments, make them count for eternity. Give to others constantly; it will make you forget your own needs. The times you don't want to do something you're prompted to, are the most imminent moments - rise to the occasion. Listen to others; they'll give you life long advice. Follow your heart; it'll help you see your dreams come true. Live life knowing this moment is all you have. See the world and places you dream of. Love those you barely notice, notice those left to be unseen, find those hiding and give them a future. Give them your dreams. Be a good example at all times, people are watching when you don't realize they are. Teach others, but learn from them more. Let the past and your mistakes lie, create a new future. Be educated, charming, forgiving, loving, cultured... know there is a big world out there...without a fence to hold you back. Go where no one else is willing to...

"Yesterday is history, Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift; that's why they call it 'the present'."
"Live like you were dyin'"

A Future Grasped

Excitement fills her as she thinks of the future. This new life that lay before her. He asked her! Finally her heart had what it wanted. Finally...he had what he wanted. Fear loomed at the edges of her mind, fear of finances, leaving her family...such distance..she put those things out of her mind. She focused on the excitement. But joy grew each moment from the time he said they were going to go...from the moment he said she was to be his. His! She couldn't believe he had asked her. A lifelong committment, a vow to stay true to each other. A new world lay there...like the new fawns in Spring. Their eyes had opened slowly, with a long yawn. There had been a look about them, to settle their surroundings. Then they had established the future. A new life, such a beautiful gift. There was exploring to be had; a new home, a new city, a new state...new people. New friends! Changes were coming so fast as the plans came together. A wedding, a long drive, school, a new home...and most importantly... love. She never expected to find love with him. He was her friend, her companion. Then he asked. When the words came from his mouth, she felt peace. She knew she loved him completely. She sighed as she looked at him once again. Her heart smiled as she saw light in him, the future, a future that was amazing and uncharted. A future all their own.

Would You Give Your Life?

True love will risk anything, even risking life for love. When you truly love someone or something, you'll give your everything for it. You'll die fighting for it, for what you believe. Think Martin Luther King Jr, think Romeo and Juliet, think Abraham Lincoln, think John Wesley. What is your passion? What do you love so much you would risk your life? So what is that for me? What am I willing to sacrifice everything for?

Your love could be family or friend. A husband, maybe his wife is what he would give his life for. Maybe for a Pastor it's his Church or his Church family. A parent, their child. An addict alcohol or drugs, maybe even money to attain either. Sometimes we will risk the very things we thought we loved for what we lust after.

I live in the United States and most likely will not have to give my life today, or tomorrow, that situation may arise but it's not a likely occurrence. But what am I giving my life for? What am I willing to give my time and passion for? Am I sitting by watching others give and never giving? How can I do more with this short life we live?

So the question is; what am I truly willing to give my life for? Would I really lay down for the cause I say I live my life for daily? Will I really live my life displaying the things I say with my mouth across my heart or more so across my life? Am I living daily laying down me for something greater?

Am I willing to give my life for something? For my family…friend…job…more so, for Jesus? You never know how much you love something, until you are willing to risk everything for it.

John 15:13; "No greater love has a man than he lay down his life for a friend."

Your Lies

I thought you were there with me, to be my friend. Thought you were making things different this time. But then you faltered, once again. You fed me the same lies.

Promises filled with hope and longing...you gave me what my head wanted to hear. Your promises fall to pieces making me feel undeserving, exactly what my heart had begun to fear.

So much time has passed and I had begun to live a different life. Then you came back with new elocution and hope. That's when I realized you still held the same knife. You only hurt me more with each word you spoke.

Your lips spilled the lies as if they were all you knew. Like water that cascades over a fountain and falls into a pond, they fell quickly and steadily. Sadly I think what you have said has now become a part of you. The prevarications you speak seem to come so easily.

You have changed, mutated into a creature I do not know. A being unhuman, unrecognizable. Most of you is now...the 9 o'clock show. Although most people do not know you are quite deceitful.

I see the lies you have spoken and lived. Thankfully I now have my eyes opened. I am just trying to forgive. I need to gain a new perspective.

Pain and remorse fill my heart. I wish it wasn't so and wish the past gone. My pain is all because I allowed you a part. This is where I must move on.

Changes

To have change in your life, there must be changes made. But change can be difficult. I LOVE change and I love new things in life. Change makes life exciting and quite unexpected, never boring. But of late it seems like there are almost...too many changes going on, almost...confusing! I feel like I can't keep up with my own life and the lives of those around me. Buying a new car, moving, and some other "new" things as well. Change is good, but it can be hard when it's so unexpected. What if you are thrown an extreme curve ball...something completely out of the blue? Quite unplanned. What then!? It seems as if you have to drop everything else you are carrying to ... catch that curve ball.
Those moments right before you catch the curve ball are monumental. You see the ball coming through the air - almost out to get you - you're the target. You have to contemplate dropping all you are holding to catch this one ball. You have mere moments of time to make a choice that can determine your future. What if someone gave you an option that would allow you to see the curve ball coming ahead of time? With enough time to anticipate - to make your move. Well, we're not given that option - we roll with the punches and take life as it wills. I think we should begin to celebrate and embrance those changes, allow life to take the path and road it does. Going about the way it should...enjoying each change along the way.

Growing Through the Pain

Why is it that growing times tend to be difficult times…and difficult times tend to be growing times? Can we not go through changes without…difficulty? Does our flesh always dominate our lives? Why is it that my flesh seems to dominate more often than not? I want to be in control, I want to be happy, I want life to be grand….but I also want to grow, change, be molded and shaped into a better person. I don't want to stay as I am.

I've been frustrated a lot of late; the things around me, who I am, the places I've been.
No, not like you are thinking…let me clarify:

I am talking about my life and ridding it of complacency and of being a better person. I mean more in that I know BETTER than the words I use, I know better than my actions yet I tend to do both, often. I tend to be harsh, brash if you will, ugly and not always nice. I WANT to be nice…but it seems as if I say unkind things. I want to love those around me but judge them and compare myself, wondering how I can be better. But is that bad? It might be a good thing that I compare and use them as a measuring stick for my life. But my life is not supposed to be like theirs. I am supposed to be me.

So during a "growing" time when I am changing and becoming a better person…it hurts, a lot like working out and lifting weights…it stretches your muscles and you hurt when you've had a good lifting session. But a day or two later you start to see the difference. It could hurt me right now, but a short while from now I will feel and see the difference. It would be a lot easier if I could see and feel the changes/growing while it's happening. I'd be a lot more willing to take the pain and make the changes! Not that it's always painful to go through changes, but the biggest changes in life are typically the most difficult to go through...

How are you growing and changing? What molding is going on in your life? Do you feel the pain while you grow or is your shaping easier?

the potter's hands

Jesus,

i am nothing without you. i am just a lifeless piece of clay to be molded. i feel the stretching and moving as You, My Potter, shape me into something new. You take me and move me into new places, Your hand ever guiding me. i am scared of what i will become...but i trust You with my life. i pray i am good enough for you, that i will be easily molded. i pray i am willing to become the shape You have intended for me. let me be Your branch, Your artwork, let me be Your vessel. Jesus, take all of me and give me more of You. let my life be open for Your future...for Your plans. the vessel i become will hold You, Your life and Your abundance. as You continue to shape and move my form on Your potter's wheel. put me in the kiln to keep the shape You have created. put me in Your testing to become molded to You. take my life Jesus, make it more.

Jesus, less of me and more of You.

the hammer holds

Bebo Norman

A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine
My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued somehow
I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds