pictures in my heart

The memories have begun to fade. Like an old photograph discolored and brown with time, wrinkled with wear and tearing at the edges. I said goodbye to you, but I wish it had never been. It seems like yesterday I saw your face. Time has continued on for far too long. I think back to the days when you were near. The moments we spent together; reading, taking walks, softball games, Mexico, France, Texas, laughing on the beach walking in the sand…just being there with you. I learned from you, your patience ever my teacher. My disobedience, anger or shame no match to your love. Silent listening, smiling with compassion you always were. Pretending to be mad was even difficult for you. The nod of your head and I knew what you were thinking, no words were necessary. Wisdom instilled in my life, I waited for your letters in the mail, and I waited for the demonstration of your love. The little words of kindness, the little moments you took for me. You correction and guidance always evident, but given with compassion and grace. Although the memories fade, they'll never go away. At the forefront of my mind they will stay.

I look, I see you there, my heart races…but my eyes blink and it was only a vision. A wish my heart played into my head. The need for you…your love. The need for the strength inside of you. Holding your hand once again. I wish to be a child at your side. I wish for you to hold me and let me cry. I wish for your wisdom to be given to me, I feel I don't have enough. I wish Gracie didn't have a lack of your time. She needs you as much as I do. I wish that you were coming to visit. I wish Christmas was the same. I wish you hadn't felt pain. I never wanted you to leave. I wish I had been closer. I wish I wouldn't have been forced into the place I was. I wish people would have cared more…understood may be the word. I wish it hadn't have been your time. But time was not what we have left. You're happier today. I know you smile from afar. I still miss you every day. In my heart I keep you. I guard our memories there, it is my picture frame to keep them from fading away.