lonely

She's sad and she doesn't know why. She can't give you an answer, she can't tell you if she's going to cry. Her heart is aching, a bitter slow hurt. Its on the inside and she feels as though her life it'll subvert. Living from day to day, hoping to make do. She's afraid she just might not make it through. Its like a fog that slowly crept in. Its come and taken over, unpacked and moved in. Now she can't stop it, change how she feels. Afraid, lonely and worried...she's not even sure if these feelings she can conceal. When will this end? When will it be done? When will she feel like she did, before all of this had begun?

Divorce Celebrations?

Its amazing how we celebrate divorce. We have "Finally Free" parties, "Single Again" parties. We have a TV show "Unhitched". Why is it that we are so ok with celebrating failure and recklessness in our lives? Why are we taking the very thing that Christ wanted held in high regard and putting no value on it any longer? The Bible says, "What God has brought together, let no man put asunder." So why can we so easily celebrate something that has completely fallen to pieces? What about all the money you spent on the wedding ceremony, reception...divorce, lawyers, time away from work, alimony...ugh!

I'm Not Gonna Write You A Love Song Cuz You Ask...

for it, cuz you need one...
"Write about my boyfriend, this one...not the one at Applebee's," you say. I could write plenty about you, boyfriend, more than I want you to hear me say. But that's why I don't, because I know I say too many things. I can't say the right things to you boyfriend, the things that make you happy or to cheer you up. I just say the truth and far too much. Care about you, boyfriend, I do. Maybe that's why I'm brutally honest and let anything slip, boyfriend, I pour out like I've opened a door and can't control what I say at times. Maybe I should be kinder with my words, more cautious and careful. But, boyfriend, I am who I am, I say what I do and work through that I will true to follow through.

You, my boyfriend, are my boyfriend because I want you to be. Because you make me happy. Because, boyfriend, I know this is true. Letting you in, is what I am working on. Letting my feelings show, is what I am starting to do.

That is how I love. Boyfriend, that is how I work to make this work.

Love you, boyfriend? Love you...I do.

But boyfriend, I only write about you...because I want to. Never because you'd ask me to.

The Storm That Didn't Cease

Its raining again today. I don't know where to turn. I feel myself becoming soaked in rain water again. All too soon my tears are mixed in. I'm not sure where to turn, or even what to say this time. Its seems as if the storm never ended, but merely just has been on pause.

Its flooding again today. The water has been dancing about my feet a for while now. My ankles are covered in the flood. I can't see the floor or know where to step next. I feel like I'm walking in the dark, afraid I'll fall off the edge and not know where I've stepped.

Its dark again today. The sun has hid its light from the pain I feel. Its cold and brash outside. The storm beating all about me. The clouds came in with the cold rain and flood. Darkness crept into my world with out any notice given.

Its in the calm of the storm, I need to hear your words whisper. I need to hear from you Lord.

healthy lifestyle

there seems to be this seam, pattern, running through our lives, a thread that brings every aspect together…whether the thread is a good thing or a bad thing is completely determined by you. a healthy lifestyle, unhealthy...procrastination, strength, ability, motivation, focus, distractions, fear, timidity. living a life following a certain lifestyle will run throughout your whole being. i see in my friends and family how certain things stand out. more importantly, i see it in my own life.
someone who tends to eat healthier, they seem to have healthier relationships. maybe they just focus more on others and the clarity of their life. they seem to have this sense of strength in their life, self control maybe it is, that causes their relationships to be stronger…more controlled and healthier. Someone who tends to be more lackadaisical in their lifestyle, is the same in their relationships. parents, family, friend’s relationships aren’t tended to in the same way, or maybe treated with urgency.
i think we are the same way with God. seeing Christ with eyes that aren’t as apt, or rather, aren’t as prone to live with your life and body held in high regard, we treat our relationship with the same tendencies. maybe when we tend to be healthy when we look at Him as a source for life…same way someone looks at food when they eat notoriously. how is my life today? am I a healthy person? do i treat my life with high regard?

I Don't Know How to Make This Work

I don't know how to make this work. I need you to fight, to tell me my worth. I need to know that you really didn't mean it all. That this won't cause us to fall. I need to know what I deserve. So I won't just be here going through the motions, sitting in verve. You have to tell me how much you care. Let me know that you'll always be here.

Otherwise I'm going to walk away. Forget all we've sacrificed, the prices we've paid. I'll take the towel and throw it in. I might just let this all end.

Unless you tell me how to make this work. Tell me how much I'm truly worth.

it continues

you say you love her, truly you do. but character shows the opposite, more so the things you do.
hurting her daily, causing such pain - with out regrets, remorse or even shame.
you've been caught red handed, guilty as charged. label, branded, now you think you've been discharged?
you're upset...angry you've not gotten away with the dirty deeds. irate and mouthy you've turned into someone who misleads.
caught in the middle, those little ones stay. ignorantly they smile, and are learning to obey.
unfairly she's hurting...living a life full of pain. her body the greatest subject of your chain.
you think as though its nothing, just something you do. but its slowly been eating away, the scars her heart does accrue.
on top of your sin, now come words and wrongful actions. only cause her harsh, brutal reactions.
oh the pain those words and actions have added. causing your lives, to grow so divided.
now today she wakes up needing you gone. angrily you tell her she's always been wrong.
what shall she do? where shall she turn? she's reached this place where we've all been concered.
staying or going, questions in her mind. you have begun to be full of words, quite deemed maligned
we all wait in fear and frustration. knowning much of this was caused by your sinful flirtation.
addiction much greater than your muscles, for it takes more than a physical tussle.
you have created this chaos and disorder, she's now reached the limit - her furthest border.
with breath held agasp, we pray for His force. aware that maybe this has to follow its full course.

You and Me

Letting go of all else, as hard as it may seem,
with the best reasons, I accept this new dream.

As much as I want this, as much as I know this is true...
letting go of the past and things I wanted to do.

I am learning to mourn and move on,
this is something I can't help but follow, to act upon.

The past is fading into forgetfulness, I see the future bright,
excitement fills me, all of my being knows this is right.

Even through this trying time, I love more with every second,
it doesn't matter to us just what others say or reckon.

We we fit together perfectly, a pair created for each other,
for us, there is no one else we'd rather.

Trust

Its really hard for me to trust. When its not been earned enough.
How can I change this? Why must that be? I want to know 100%, completely.
Part of me says its not so, part of me just doesn't want to let it all go.
I can't understand or always know what you're thinking. That makes me restrict all my heart is wanting.
I guess time is what it will take. But I feel as though there always isn't enough.

~

To live my life pure in Your eyes. To sacrifice all I have. To love You more each day. To give all I have to give away. To follow Your path and Your desires. To be who You created me to be.

I want to live my life loving Him more and more each day. Sometimes I feel like I just don't know how, its in those times I just seem to find my way.