I Let You Go...

Tears fill my eyes as I walk away from you. As I turn to leave I know my heart is breaking. Why must the best decision to make always be the hardest? Why does my heart have to hurt so much?

I know that I love you but that means I must let you go. Oh, how my heart yearns to be with you. Our moments together so few and random. Our time together such diamonds that sparkle through time. They sparkled with our love, our laughter, our hearts bonding.

Your touch was tender and caring. You eyes shone with love. Your caress was soft and in control. You guided me along our path. Your lips kissed mine with passion and desire.

As I leave I know you can't understand why I have to go. I know time will spill the tale. Anguish fills my head with questions, my heart feels ripped in two. Your freedom is necessary, your wings must be spread. I can't hold you back from what you must do.

I love you and that is why I must go.

A Life Unseen

She walked on to the bridge, she'd prepared herself to jump. Her life void and worthless, so she thought. She'd lived, loved and tried with all her heart, with what to show? Nothing, she thought, no money, no car, no job, no friends...huh! and no family. She was afraid of what was lying before her that night. She had no where to turn, no one to run to. This was her end. This was her fate.

She climbed the edge of cement wall and reached her hand around to grasp the outside. She felt her heart beating like a drum in her chest. Tears streamed down her face as she looked at the waters below. The mighty Mississippi so many called it. Mighty it was. The water rushed as the rain added to the gallons already pushing over the banks. Her vision blury from the nonstop tears she tried to steady herself as she held on to a steel frame bar of the bridge.

This is it, I can't look back now. Over the past months she'd considered and anticipated this moment many times. After running out of money, loosing her small apartment and then...she couldn't think of it, the pain was too great. Then...then... then loosing her baby she'd grown to love. She hadn't wanted to be a mom, it had just happened. As she felt the baby grow inside of her, she had felt life once again. Til the day it stopped.

It had stopped so abruptly. No movement, no butterflies from within. Then the pain, oh the pain! She had known what was happening, but couldn't think about it. She had made it through - "Sadly", she wispered aloud. The most freightening moment of her life, until tonight.

All that she had worked for gone. All she had imagine in her future seemed void. Nothing else mattered. When she was gone, no one would notice. Her few pocessions lying on the bridge below her would be all that was left.

As she closed her eyes to leap she wispered a quick prayer, "God forgive me for what I must do, but no one will care. No one will notice. You'll understand. I...I'm sorry." Opening her eyes and leaning to jump...

_

She never heard the cries yelling her name above the wind that wipped about her face nor above the roar of the waters below. She never saw as people mourned her passing, people who missed her greatly.

~every life matters, every life is noted, every life has meaning~

Love Caught in the Heart

She walked in the room; the breathe caught in his chest. Her body enticed him, her figure so amazing. Yet she didn't know the impact she had on him. When her gaze met his, he knew his heart skipped a beat.
How she is mine, I'll never understand he thought to himself. Brushing his lips against hers, his kiss greeted her with love. She sat close to him, leaning on his shoulder.

In all the dinners, walks in the park, movies and late night phone calls he still couldn't get enough of her. Her eyes shown with life, her lips the perfect shade of red, her laughter so completely contageous; one couldn't help but join in. Her zest for life and desire to take it all in caused him to yearn for more as well.

She smiled and said, "I love you." He wispered the words back he could barely speak when she was around. Love had never felt so good. When he held her close he could feel their hearts beat as one.

He couldn't try to compare their love, nothing would measure up. The love that they shared, the love he felt. When he first knew he loved her, fear filled his heart. Now only compassion and desire for more took any place in the deepest of parts. Hope for the future and excitement for what is to come were the only emotions he wanted to feed.

Their love filled him, his heart complete.

A Different View Outside My Window

My heart has done a great deal of searching and spinning in the past few days. No, I am not different, but I do have a different outlook. I almost feel as if I am looking at a different scene outside my window.

How many of you would say that you are capable of committing murder? WOW, what a brash question. Well think about it. Do you think some day you could take a gun and actually kill someone?? Do you think you could steal someone's car, burn their house or kidnap their child?

--STOP--

Think about that for a moment and answer those questions in your head to yourself. Keep that answer in the back of your mind as I continue...in a little different direction.

Let's flip to a very elementary learning. Right and wrong, good and bad, obeying and disobeying. But let's go back to your childhood. We are taught not to; hit, say mean things, lie, steal, cheat, murder, etc... It's just the American way. Teach your children right from wrong. How many of you stole pieces of candy or told little white lies or snuck out in high school or drank when your parents told you not to? Yes, each of us starts with a sin nature. Each of us has the urge to disobey. So in raising us our parents are trying to teach us to fight the sin nature, which is urging us to do wrong.

Now, lets go to a controversial subject; The War in Iraq. Yes, a difficult subject for me. My brother-in-law was at war for a long time and one of my very good friends was severely injured in Iraq fighting for the Iraqi's freedom. Ok, so we as Americans and people of "Western Civilization" see the Iraqi or more so muslim people as terrorists. Yes, I do believe some are terrorists, but bear with me for a moment.

Ok, now let's look at a an Iraqi or maybe even a muslim child's upbringing. They are taught right from wrong as well...except their upbringing is quite a bit different. Muslim children are raise that giving their lives and taking others is a way to serve their god and their country. They are taught that they are killing for a good cause. They are taught their way is.

So what we see as murderous, hateful, terroristic is what they see as honorable and justified and right. Those of you who said you couldn't murder or couldn't steal or any of those things have to think again. You were raised not to, but when it comes down to it, you have a sin nature and must fight the battle against it each day. You must choose not to succumb to the urge to fight, steal, cheat or even murder. You have to teach your flesh who is in charge.

No, I do not believe muslims are correct. I believe each of us is taught something in our upbringing and we live with the consequences today. Because of Abraham and Ishmel thousands of years ago we live with a malcontent group of people who wage war against others. Each decision made has a result; an outcome and people live with your choices many, many years later.

So in essence you should look inside yourself and realize we can't deem ourselves as better than the people we fight today. We too have the very chance of becoming what we see. So pray for those you deem less than you because really you are no greater.

Compromise Doesn't Mean Compromising Who You ARE

Every relationship takes compromise. Takes sacrifice. "Give and take" a little. It's a two-way street. Relationships take work and that means to not focus on the small things and allow room for mistakes, they will happen.

But when have you compromised too much? When are you compromising who you are? When have you sacrificed so much you may loose sight of who you started out to be?

Don't sacrifice who you are for the other person. So you like to eat sushi? Chow down, just take a girlfriend you rarely get to see. Is she deathly afraid of heights? Make your buddy go sky diving with you, she'll forgive you (although, I wouldn't! I'll be your sky diving buddy!!). Don't give up things you like to do or eat for the other person. Keep on being who you are, just don't push the other person to become like you.

Compromise means the things in everyday life, not changing who you are; the toilet seat, the movie you watch tonight or who's family to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with. Don't compromise what you believe for the best guy around, it probably isn't a healthy relationship. So she's gorgeous?, don't give up God because she doesn't believe there is one. That's when you aren't yourself anymore.

Why would you ever want to push the person to be something that you want? Didn't you like the person when you first met them? Allow people to be who they are, love them for their individuality.

Why try to fit a mold of something they want you to be? Compromising who you aren't isn't compromising in a relationship. Sacrificing watching your favorite TV show because their band has "a gig" at the local blues bar. Or running to the mall because there's "a huge sale on jeans", as if she doesn't have a 1000 pairs already!

Compromising is the best thing you'll learn. Maybe you will head to a new city or try a new ice cream flavor or ride a bull. Whatever it is, compromise is a necessity in life.

Just don't compromise who you are.

Falling In Love With the Wrong Person?

If you can't help whom you love....how does one control the love they feel? The saying goes that you can't control whom you fall in love with. Welll....then what happens what you are in love and you need to control those feelings? Isn't that quite impossible? I say it's the most difficult task you could ever have at hand. If you fall in love...truly....madly....deeply, it's just there. It bears a hole in your heart; it encompasses your being. It becomes who you are.

...think about it. How often have you heard conversations or people referenced to like this: so-and-so's boyfriend, such-n-such's wife. "Oh, he married that beautiful Brazilian woman who's not the brightest crayon in the box." insert waiver-I am not prejudice, my cousins are Brazilian!!! "She married that amazing CEO who makes millions a year. How'd she ever get him?" Oh, shut your mouth; don't even say you've never said anything like that before! I've heard you say it a 1000 different ways. I don't think we say things like that to label people or to act against someone... but eventually you become who you love.

So a woman gets married; takes her husbands name. She BECOMES his wife; she becomes Mrs. husband's name and LAST NAME HERE. A man becomes a married man and no longer is a bachelor; nope you can't "play the field" anymore. You are officially a hubby.

So the love that we carry inside eventually comes out to be what we are. What if you fall in love and it's not "meant to be?" Or what if you fall in love and it isn't the right time? Then what? Then your heart suffers and you must decide how to disguise your feelings? Sure, either one is quite possible, but I don't think that is what God had in mind. Don't you think that He wanted you to love with all your heart? Don't you think that He wanted you to soar high and shout it from the roof tops?? YES! Love was created for us to feel, to yearn for, to drive us forward. Love is our purpose. God wanted us to love Him. But He also said, "Love one another." That love is what creates us who we are. How can we try to keep ourselves from coming out? How can we push our destiny away?

What do you think? Where is our love supposed to go? What are we to do with love that we've tried to stifle, but it doesn't work? What happens when YOU love the wrong person?

My Gift Given Without My Consent

Given to me without a choice. Given on such great obligations. Obligations I must live up to, yet have not a guide nor paradigm. Given with little regard to my wishes, my desires or cares.

Such a great gift I can't explain. Every experience, laughter, joy; every moment a treasure. Every heartbreak, failure and tear a result of this gift. A wonder it's own. I am a result of it. It controls, it moves and is my every fiber and being.

It rides on every breath I breathe. It dwindles each moment I live. The sand in the clock falls slowly and cannot be stopped. So little and so short, yet it seems to last forever. Yes, a lifetime.

Life, but a moment fleeting in time. Such a grand reward for living, such a prize. No price can be given, for life is invaluable. Your measured amount never known til it's past. Your last breathe a leaving gift from God. Life, but a wonder and marvel.

More costly than money, more cherished than love. Yet we take it for granted and give not a second thought. Every year, month, day, second in time slipping away slowly but we let it fly by the wayside.

My life, my treasure, my very being so august. A gift not to be taken lightly. A gift given without my choice. A gift I honor and apprize.

Butterflies of Love

Kisses in the early morning. The moon shining down. The summer breeze surrounds us. Your eyes sparkle in the night. You smile makes my heart jump. Your finger caresses my face. I cant fight the feelings anymore. You bring me joy.

Your hand grabs mine. You lead and guide me. Your strength is compelling. Every moment spent with you, I wish was frozen in time.

Your laughter lights up my life. Walking along the path you guide me. Dancing under the stars. You hold me close. You kiss my hair and I breathe you in. You are becoming apart of me.

I want you here forever. I want you close to me. Your warmth encompasses me. Your touch is amazing.

All I went through to be with you. All I endured to have to you close seems like a distant feat. Love shines on the horizon. Tomorrow is drawing close. You turn my face to yours, your kiss is soft. You smile and I know how you feel, my heart is the same.

Your Love

Your love is the flowers in the spring, colorful leaves in the fall, Christmas snowflakes on my eyelashes and summer most of all!.

Your love is the shiny Christmas presents, my birthday bash, Easter baskets hidden, Forth of July fireworks that end with a blast.

Your love is the laughter that fills my heart, the tears that stream down my face, the joy I hope will never be erased.

Your love is diamonds shinning in the sun, sweet kisses all day, your arms holding me close. I pray your love is here to stay.

When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Fajitas

So they say, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. But, I think I would take the lemons, make fajitas and use the lemon juice on my fajitas, chips and toss the rest in my water. That's the best! Yeah, lemonade is grand (especially Ms. Valindas!!) but fajitas would fill me more, and quite practically are my favorite food. And well, lemonade is only the best in summer right?

I guess when life is difficult you can either stick through it, or you can get up and do something about it. Life's been difficult for me these last few weeks or so dealing with family deaths, injuries and hardships. And well I am doing something about it. I have learned to take my lesson from a situation and walk away better off because of it. My Grama taught me to never regret anything that happens or I will regret my life away.

The last year I lived in Texas was hard, extremely hard, but I walked away a better and stronger woman because of it. People don't always treat you right and life's not fair. But fair wouldn't be fun, would it? Sometimes you want to be the person who ends out on top and sometimes you just cant.

I guess what I am saying is that I am glad for who I am becoming because of the hardships I have dealt with. Some hard things mold you into a better person and some can cause you to be bitter. I choose not to be bitter and I choose to be the bigger person and love through it all. I am strong because of the arrows that were shot at me. I used my shield to reflect them and taught the others that I wont surrender. I sought the right path and headed in the right direction. Just because someone else does something wrong, doesn't mean you have to retaliate. Oh believe me, how I wanted to strangle some people at times. HA! But yeah, I let 'em live. They will have their own time, besides they answer to God, which is a whole lot scarier than I will ever be!

So when you are going through hard things and want the world around you to fade away its OK. Keep going through the darkness and a light will shine somewhere. But until it does, pull out your cell phone, blackberry or what have you and use it to show your footsteps ahead. I haven't made any lemonade lately, but I sure have eaten some good fajitas. Well right now I am full. I am taking my hardships and learning through them all. If you have any other questions, I think life can teach you along your path. Just keep going in the right direction.